Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Constantly Consistent

I don't know about y'all, but I find change very hard. I am a very consistent person, in some ways that's great (it makes me responsible and reliable) and some ways that's bad (it makes be stubborn and sometimes boring).  I don't know what it is about change, but every time I have to move, or enroll in school, or class gets cancelled, or plans get changed, I feel my mind cringe and my body become tense with nervousness. Trust me, I deal with it way better than I used to but I still could manage some work.
So I realized I wasn't happy where I was in my life. But I didn't want to change anything about my life because change to me is far worse than being miserable. But when my roommate told me she could tell how unhappy I was even though I never really talked about it and tried to hide it, I realized something had to give. Then I ran across this quote: "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson. I didn't want to turn into a hobgoblin. So I decided it was time to make a change. I am terrified. I know everything will work out, but moving states, transferring, and  trying to figure everything out in less than 2 weeks-- it's overwhelming to say the least. (I hate change so much I procrastinated dealing with alot until the last minute, not one of my best life moments.) Also, I'm terrified to admit to everyone I'm a total failure! Okay, I'm not a failure, it's just change, but why does change seem like admitting defeat?
So as I sit here, deprived of sleep with knotted stomach and shoulder muscles, I have to force myself to recognize it's not in my control. God is in control and I need to lean on Him and trust His plans and rely on His merciful peace. He has blessed me beyond belief and has kept me alive and well for the last 20 years, so I think He'll do a pretty good job with however many days I have left. And change is what makes the world go round, and it'll keep changing whether I like it or not. And some consistency is good, such as in character, hygiene habits, etc. but everyone needs to allow some change in their life.
So I hope those of you that are struggling with changes or challenges find God's peace and lean on His plans for your future.

xo,
Allie

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